Why Gendered Language Still Won’t Die – And Why It’s Time to Call It Out

As we celebrate International Women’s Day, let’s talk about why the seemingly ‘harmless’ phrases we use every day actually matter: words shape how we see the world. And right now, the world is still seeing women and men through a very different lens.

We’ve made great strides in tackling blatant sexism but gendered language is still sneakily holding us all back. As Caroline Criado Perez points out in Invisible Women, “When we say ‘man,’ we mean human. When we say ‘woman,’ we mean female.” If that doesn’t sum up the problem in one neat sentence, I don’t know what does.

Ever noticed how men in leadership (who still make up a disproportionate number of school leaders)  are still seen as ‘assertive,’ while women doing the same thing are ‘bossy’? A male line manager is ‘strong and decisive,’ while his female counterpart is ‘cold’ or ‘too emotional’? These aren’t just quirks of language—they affect how people perceive and treat women. Research shows that using gendered or diminutive language makes women seem less competent and less suitable for leadership roles (Hengel, 2019). As Criado Perez writes, “Men’s words are accepted as authoritative; women’s words are treated with suspicion.” This is why women’s expertise is often challenged, and why gendered language reinforces that unequal playing field.

Deborah Cameron, in The Myth of Mars and Venus, explains that language is not simply a reflection of gender differences but a way of constructing and reinforcing gender norms. She argues that, “The idea that women and men speak differently has been used to explain and excuse male dominance rather than challenge it.” In other words, the words we choose aren’t just describing the world; they’re maintaining the very structures we need to change.

Certain words, for some reason, only ever seem to apply to women. ‘Nag’ is almost always a woman—no one calls a man a nag for repeatedly asking for something to be done. ‘Hysterical’ is another example, rooted in the outdated and sexist belief that women are overly emotional and irrational (the word itself comes from the Greek hystera, meaning uterus). Meanwhile, men expressing strong emotions are often seen as ‘passionate’ or ‘powerful,’ while women are dismissed as ‘dramatic’ or ‘overreacting.’ Robin Lakoff, in Language and Woman’s Place, notes that, “Women’s language is often trivialised, and in turn, women themselves are trivialised.” The fact that so many words with negative connotations - ‘bitchy,’ ‘moody’- are overwhelmingly applied to women is no coincidence. These terms create a double bind where women are either seen as too weak or too aggressive, leaving little room for them to assert authority without criticism.

One of the most concerning aspects of gendered language is how often women use it against themselves, reinforcing the very biases that hold them back. How often have you heard a woman say, “Sorry, I just wanted to ask...,” “I’m probably overthinking this...,” or “I’m no expert, but...” before making a perfectly valid point? Women are socially conditioned to soften their language to appear more likeable and less ‘demanding,’ often at the expense of their own authority.

Even successful women unconsciously play down their achievements. Criado Perez highlights how, in mixed-gender workplaces, women are more likely to credit their success to luck rather than skill, while men confidently assert their competence. This is not a coincidence—it’s the result of years of gendered socialisation, where women are taught to be ‘humble’ and ‘grateful’ rather than owning their expertise.

Gendered language doesn’t just harm women—it also restricts men by reinforcing narrow ideas about masculinity. Phrases like ‘man up,’ ‘boys don’t cry,’ or describing a caring father as ‘babysitting’ his own children suggest that emotional openness, vulnerability, and nurturing are ‘unmanly.’ This contributes to the mental health crisis among men, where societal pressure to appear ‘strong’ means many suffer in silence rather than seek support.

Men also face ridicule when they enter traditionally ‘feminine’ professions, such as nursing or primary education, because gendered language associates certain roles with women and others with men. This creates a cycle where women are kept out of leadership, and men are kept out of caregiving—both to society’s detriment. Criado Perez highlights this imbalance: “We tell women they must be more confident, but we tell men they mustn’t be weak.” The cycle limits all of us.

We can’t fight for gender equality if we don’t pay attention to the words we use every single day. Gendered language is one of the many ways bias sneaks into our culture, reinforcing outdated expectations and making it harder for women and men to break out of restrictive roles. And before someone says, “Oh, it’s just words!”—if it was ‘just words,’ why are people so defensive about keeping them?

If we want to make real change, we need to start calling it out. If someone describes a female colleague as ‘bossy’ for doing her job, it’s worth gently suggesting ‘assertive’ instead. Women need to rethink their own words too—no more “I’m no expert, but...” We should be supporting gender-neutral language in job descriptions, policies, and public communication to ensure everyone is represented fairly.

As we celebrate International Women’s Day, let’s commit to changing the way we speak and consider how many times we routinely use language that needlessly refers to gender and let’s remind ourselves that words shape the world we live in.